Sunday, January 23, 2011

Things that (we think) would shatter a teenage girl's world

A few nights ago, my roommates and I were watching one of the greatest films ever created in the history of man-- Twilight. We then went straight on to Eclipse; a thrilling sequel. While watching these artistic gems, we came up with the following list....


  1. Edward straight up EATS Bella.
  2. Bella eats Edward...
  3. Edward is discovered applying glitter all over his body
  4. Taylor Lautner becomes morbidly obese 
  5. Models really DO look like that
  6. Channing Tatum is a woman
  7. Zac Efron wears dentures
  8. Channing Tatum's jaw is drawn on
  9. Justin Bieber is gay... with Miley Cyrus (try to figure THAT one out! Double Whammy!)
  10. Michael Jackson is dead
  11. Finding out crabs aren't only on the beach
  12. Finding out your facebook boyfriend isn't real
  13. Having one friend on facebook
  14. And last but not least... growing facial hair

Thursday, January 6, 2011

My Date is Dead

**Names have been changed**
So my sister has tons of crazy stuff happen to her or her friends, as you can see with the "dead dog in a suitcase". This lovely story comes from a friend of her's and is particularly.... well... you'll see.
Mary hadn't had the best luck with relationships. And you learn as you get older that the more dates you go on, the crazier the people (and the stories) get. Mary, in her efforts at trying to find her "one and only" had joined an online dating service... a few actually. As sometimes happens in these situations, she met someone... well... met is the wrong word. You see, they hadn't actually met. They had talked for a pretty long time and she felt comfortable with him, especially since this particular online service was provided by her church and was in line with her moral standards. This man was a veteran and had been injured in his service so he got to go to a "wounded veterans ball" in New York City every year. We will call the man... Agnus. So Agnus was invited to this ball, and since he needed a date and had never met Mary, he invited her. "It's great, they pay for your food, flight, and hotel. All you have to do is provide your own entertainment." Agnus exclaimed (excitedly). Mary thought (deeply), "A free trip to New York City?! Count me in!" So Mary hopped a plane, traveled afar, and arrived in New York City. Agnus and Mary had a grand time, but she wasn't really feeling a connection. Agnus didn't like that at all. He got very upset at her and told her that he didn't want her coming back to the hotel and she could find her own place to stay (the two had decided to share a room with separate beds). Mary didn't want to do that. So, since she had a key to the room anyway, Mary went out and partied the night away with some friends she had met at the ball. She got to the hotel around 3 a.m. and snuck into the room. Agnus was all hooked up to his CPAP machine (a machine that helps you keep breathing, kinda) because he had sleep apnea, and didn't even move when she came into the room. Mary slid quietly into her bed and fell asleep. 
Mary woke up before Agnus the next morning and decided that she would shower before she went downstairs. You see, Agnus and Mary had planned earlier that week to travel to the 9/11 site with some friends that morning. After Mary's shower, Agnus still wasn't up! Mary went over to Agnus and quietly said that she was going down to the bus and he should probably get up soon if he wanted to come. She then went downstairs, boarded the bus, and waited...........and waited............and waited......... and no Agnus. She tried calling his cell phone a couple times, she tried calling the room, and finally she called the front desk and asked them to please send someone up there to make sure he was up. Well the group decided to leave without him. 
As the bus returned and pulled into the hotel, Mary noticed several police cars and an ambulance. She wasn't even allowed to get off the elevator on her floor and nobody was allowed to leave the hotel. She later found out that sometime during the night, her date had died...expired....passed away....kicked the bucket. There was an investigation, Mary was questioned for about 8 hours, and the conclusion was made that he had died of natural causes...... but some say.... he died of a broken heart.