Superman had the Key

Tonight I was reminded that people actually read the junk I put out. So here is another classic...

At Brigham Young University, things of the sexual nature are pretty taboo (If you didn't know, the majority of the student body is LDS-- see lds.org for more info). Also, if you are married at BYU, you can still be a Resident Advisor (aka, an RA). Having said that, one of my friends related a story where a girl he knew experienced something rather... unique.

This girl was walking down the stairs on the way to her vehicle when she heard someone screaming "HELP! HELP!" The girl went to the door, which was unlocked (don't ask me why...) and swung it open. There, handcuffed to the bed naked, was her RA. On the floor was the RA's husband... passed out... wearing nothing but a superman cape. Superman had the key to the handcuffs. So this poor girl had to set her RA free so that she could get dressed to take her husband to the hospital. Apparently kryptonite isn't superman's ONLY weakness.....

Sorry... Gland problem

**No picture could be found to match the story**

My roommate Tressa was in her Civics class in high school working with this girl on a group project. Everything was going fine until something odd happened... the girl said something to the effect of "yeah... I think that...." and then was interrupted by a noise resembling a cross between a stalling car and a choking duck. The girl made this noise while tilting her head to the side, bringing her shoulder up to her ear, and twitching. An odd display. (Just try it out. Preferably not in public.) Tressa gasped and jumped back, almost falling off her chair. "WHAT HAPPENED???!?!" she said. "Sorry..." the girl replied, "I have a gland problem". Honey... that's not a gland problem.

Things that (we think) would shatter a teenage girl's world

A few nights ago, my roommates and I were watching one of the greatest films ever created in the history of man-- Twilight. We then went straight on to Eclipse; a thrilling sequel. While watching these artistic gems, we came up with the following list....

THINGS THAT WOULD SHATTER A TEENAGE GIRL'S WORLD

1. Edward straight up EATS Bella.
2. Bella eats Edward...
3. Edward is discovered applying glitter all over his body
4. Taylor Lautner becomes morbidly obese 
5. Models really DO look like that
6. Channing Tatum is a woman
7. Zac Efron wears dentures
8. Channing Tatum's jaw is drawn on
9. Justin Bieber is gay... with Miley Cyrus (try to figure THAT one out! Double Whammy!)
10. Michael Jackson is dead
11. Finding out crabs aren't only on the beach
12. Finding out your facebook boyfriend isn't real
13. Having one friend on facebook
14. And last but not least... growing facial hair

My Date is Dead

**Names have been changed**

So my sister has tons of crazy stuff happen to her or her friends, as you can see with the "dead dog in a suitcase". This lovely story comes from a friend of her's and is particularly.... well... you'll see.

Mary hadn't had the best luck with relationships. And you learn as you get older that the more dates you go on, the crazier the people (and the stories) get. Mary, in her efforts at trying to find her "one and only" had joined an online dating service... a few actually. As sometimes happens in these situations, she met someone... well... met is the wrong word. You see, they hadn't actually met. They had talked for a pretty long time and she felt comfortable with him, especially since this particular online service was provided by her church and was in line with her moral standards. This man was a veteran and had been injured in his service so he got to go to a "wounded veterans ball" in New York City every year. We will call the man... Agnus. So Agnus was invited to this ball, and since he needed a date and had never met Mary, he invited her. "It's great, they pay for your food, flight, and hotel. All you have to do is provide your own entertainment." Agnus exclaimed (excitedly). Mary thought (deeply), "A free trip to New York City?! Count me in!" So Mary hopped a plane, traveled afar, and arrived in New York City. Agnus and Mary had a grand time, but she wasn't really feeling a connection. Agnus didn't like that at all. He got very upset at her and told her that he didn't want her coming back to the hotel and she could find her own place to stay (the two had decided to share a room with separate beds). Mary didn't want to do that. So, since she had a key to the room anyway, Mary went out and partied the night away with some friends she had met at the ball. She got to the hotel around 3 a.m. and snuck into the room. Agnus was all hooked up to his CPAP machine (a machine that helps you keep breathing, kinda) because he had sleep apnea, and didn't even move when she came into the room. Mary slid quietly into her bed and fell asleep. 

Mary woke up before Agnus the next morning and decided that she would shower before she went downstairs. You see, Agnus and Mary had planned earlier that week to travel to the 9/11 site with some friends that morning. After Mary's shower, Agnus still wasn't up! Mary went over to Agnus and quietly said that she was going down to the bus and he should probably get up soon if he wanted to come. She then went downstairs, boarded the bus, and waited...........and waited............and waited......... and no Agnus. She tried calling his cell phone a couple times, she tried calling the room, and finally she called the front desk and asked them to please send someone up there to make sure he was up. Well the group decided to leave without him. 

As the bus returned and pulled into the hotel, Mary noticed several police cars and an ambulance. She wasn't even allowed to get off the elevator on her floor and nobody was allowed to leave the hotel. She later found out that sometime during the night, her date had died...expired....passed away....kicked the bucket. There was an investigation, Mary was questioned for about 8 hours, and the conclusion was made that he had died of natural causes...... but some say.... he died of a broken heart.

No big...

"what? you get really scared when you stay home by yourself?" , "yeah" , "oh, well then it's probably good you have roommates", "yeeaahh...it would be, except they're all home for Thanksgiving break."
This is the simplest version of the conversation I had many times this past week. You see...I am paranoid. It has gotten much better though...I'm only about minor paranoid now...uh, mostly. Usually I flip if I have to stay in a house by myself so...I just go somewhere else, where there are lots of people. But this past week, with all of my roommates home for Thanksgiving break and me having to work every day except Thanksgiving Day I had to stay in Provo. So there I was...alone. In a forty year old house complete with creaky floors and rapist basement free of charge. yay! This whole week I haven't even been able to sleep in my room...seriously, I get to freaked out to sleep in my room. So instead I have to go into all of the other rooms...make sure nothing or no one is in them and then shut the doors. After that I promptly fluff my pillow and set it on the couch where I know I will be tucking myself in for the rest of the week. Awesome. So, besides my OCD over which way the blinds have to be closed and needing the closet doors along with the bedroom doors all shut tightly...I'm mostly normal. Good thing the house doesn't make any creepy sounds...oh wait...it does. No big. But don't be suprised if the next thing you hear on the news is a story of a student who died paralyzed in fear...found by her roommates who returned after a whole week of family activities.

A Dead Dog in a Suitcase

The following is a true story. I got it from my sister who always seems to have crazy stuff happen to her, or happen to her friends. Names have been changed.

So once upon a time the economy was doing very, very poorly in the land of America. Over yonder in New York, there was a young woman who was feeling the financial effects.We will call her Alice. Alice decided to take up dog walking to bring in a little extra cash. She was called by a family one day who had a dearly beloved, massive golden retriever that needed to be house sat (sitted?) while the family was away. So the family took off on their vacation and Mary showed up at the house to feed and walk the dog. She called him, and called him, but alas, no answer. And why do you think that is? Yes, because he was dead. When Alice discovered the deceased dog, she called the family. She told them what happened and asked them what course of action they would like her to take. "Well... we won't be home for like a week so just call the animal shelter or something and have them dispose of the body."
She did as instructed and they told her that if she brought them the body, then they would get rid of it for her. Well, this dog was massive. She pondered for a bit as to how in the world she was going to get this dead dog onto the subway, across town, and to the shelter without getting too many judgmental glances. She didn't own a car, and couldn't afford a cab. So she decided that she would stuff the body into one of the family suitcases.
Going down the stairs of the subway was just fine, but when she reached her destination, she realized that she also had to carry the "package" upstairs as well. So she started struggling up the stairs. A kind man noticed she was struggling and asked if she needed some help. While carrying the heavy load up the stairs, the man was curious as to what the suitcase contained. What are you going to tell the guy? 'Oh yeah, I just have a dead dog in there ha ha.... ha.' Negative. So she told him "It's a bunch of computer parts from where I work". The man asked no further questions, but upon reaching the top of the stairs.... he took off with the suitcase filled with (what he thought was) computer parts. Alice just kinda stood there and finally laughed and said "Okay! See ya!" She called the family and told them that unfortunately, she lost one of their suitcases. What is really funny about this story to me is imagining his face when he finally opened the suitcase..... bet he wasn't expecting THAT.

I'll punch your car.

Let me just vent the frustration that has been building up this past week. In back of my house (the one I just moved to, in Provo, with 4 other girls...yes, I moved out of my parents house), there is an area that comes along with the house and it contains FIVE parking spaces. Wow, that's just enough for the FIVE girls (including me) that live in the house in front of these spaces, go figure. Well, there is a lovely apartment complex that we basically can touch if we were to lean out the window to the east of us. Their parking spaces are in front of the complex and directly behind it along with a couple just strewn behind our spaces. They couldn't be more pointed out, even if you were to paint the lines in glowing neon colors. So I would like to punch the car of the person that decided to park diagonally, (seriously!? you couldn't be bothered to park parallel to the other cars next to you) IN MY PARKING SPOT!!! This car has been there for almost two weeks now...it hasn't moved. Really, not one inch has it budged. That is my parking spot buddy, GET OUT OF IT!. Or I really am going to punch your car...or something to that effect.

So, in honor of the title of this post I'll share a video that my roommates and I thoroughly enjoy to the point of playing the same part over and over. (excuse me? don't judge us just because we're easily entertained).