Friday, May 27, 2011

It's snake jelly time!

This is jelly.

This is a snake
 Wondering what in the world a snake and jelly have to do with each other? Absolutely nothing. Except the fact that this is a DOUBLE POST!!! It's orange because I'm excited. You should be too. Here's to all the stupid people out there...
Jelly Time
While chatting with some nurses I work with, I was told this story... A little while back some lady got sent home with some contraceptive jelly as a form of birth control. She went home and smeared the jelly on some toast... which she ate. Soon after getting pregnant, this lady tried to sue the contraceptive jelly company. Her argument? "I was in a rush and didn't have time to read the directions on how to use it" the judge said something to the effect of... "You had time to toast bread and eat it". The case was dismissed.

Snake Time Big thanks to Britt for sharing this story!
Once upon a time there was a family who decided to get a Boa Constrictor as a pet (oh, it gets better). The family loved their snake and fed it small animals every day to keep it healthy and strong. Oh, and the snake slept with the 7 year old daughter at night. One week, the snake stopped eating. The family, distraught, took their snake to see the vet. "What is wrong with our poor snake?!?!?!" they said quietly. "How long has this been going on?" exclaimed the vet. "About a week, maybe more," cried the family. The vet asked the little girl... "Does your snake ever lay down next to you and stretch all the way out?" "Why, yes! He does it all the time!"...............then the vet replied......"You need to get rid of that snake NOW. He is trying to see if he is long enough to EAT YOU and he has been fasting so that he could do so."
Okay, so first of all, that is disgusting. Second of all, what kind of idiot family would get a boa constrictor as a pet, and let it sleep with the youngest child? Third of all...... that's really disgusting.

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