Saturday, November 27, 2010

No big...

"what? you get really scared when you stay home by yourself?" , "yeah" , "oh, well then it's probably good you have roommates", " would be, except they're all home for Thanksgiving break."
This is the simplest version of the conversation I had many times this past week. You see...I am paranoid. It has gotten much better though...I'm only about minor paranoid now...uh, mostly. Usually I flip if I have to stay in a house by myself so...I just go somewhere else, where there are lots of people. But this past week, with all of my roommates home for Thanksgiving break and me having to work every day except Thanksgiving Day I had to stay in Provo. So there I was...alone. In a forty year old house complete with creaky floors and rapist basement free of charge. yay! This whole week I haven't even been able to sleep in my room...seriously, I get to freaked out to sleep in my room. So instead I have to go into all of the other rooms...make sure nothing or no one is in them and then shut the doors. After that I promptly fluff my pillow and set it on the couch where I know I will be tucking myself in for the rest of the week. Awesome. So, besides my OCD over which way the blinds have to be closed and needing the closet doors along with the bedroom doors all shut tightly...I'm mostly normal. Good thing the house doesn't make any creepy sounds...oh does. No big. But don't be suprised if the next thing you hear on the news is a story of a student who died paralyzed in fear...found by her roommates who returned after a whole week of family activities.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

A Dead Dog in a Suitcase

The following is a true story. I got it from my sister who always seems to have crazy stuff happen to her, or happen to her friends. Names have been changed.

So once upon a time the economy was doing very, very poorly in the land of America. Over yonder in New York, there was a young woman who was feeling the financial effects.We will call her Alice. Alice decided to take up dog walking to bring in a little extra cash. She was called by a family one day who had a dearly beloved, massive golden retriever that needed to be house sat (sitted?) while the family was away. So the family took off on their vacation and Mary showed up at the house to feed and walk the dog. She called him, and called him, but alas, no answer. And why do you think that is? Yes, because he was dead. When Alice discovered the deceased dog, she called the family. She told them what happened and asked them what course of action they would like her to take. "Well... we won't be home for like a week so just call the animal shelter or something and have them dispose of the body."
She did as instructed and they told her that if she brought them the body, then they would get rid of it for her. Well, this dog was massive. She pondered for a bit as to how in the world she was going to get this dead dog onto the subway, across town, and to the shelter without getting too many judgmental glances. She didn't own a car, and couldn't afford a cab. So she decided that she would stuff the body into one of the family suitcases.
Going down the stairs of the subway was just fine, but when she reached her destination, she realized that she also had to carry the "package" upstairs as well. So she started struggling up the stairs. A kind man noticed she was struggling and asked if she needed some help. While carrying the heavy load up the stairs, the man was curious as to what the suitcase contained. What are you going to tell the guy? 'Oh yeah, I just have a dead dog in there ha ha.... ha.' Negative. So she told him "It's a bunch of computer parts from where I work". The man asked no further questions, but upon reaching the top of the stairs.... he took off with the suitcase filled with (what he thought was) computer parts. Alice just kinda stood there and finally laughed and said "Okay! See ya!" She called the family and told them that unfortunately, she lost one of their suitcases. What is really funny about this story to me is imagining his face when he finally opened the suitcase..... bet he wasn't expecting THAT.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I'll punch your car.

Let me just vent the frustration that has been building up this past week. In back of my house (the one I just moved to, in Provo, with 4 other girls...yes, I moved out of my parents house), there is an area that comes along with the house and it contains FIVE parking spaces. Wow, that's just enough for the FIVE girls (including me) that live in the house in front of these spaces, go figure. Well, there is a lovely apartment complex that we basically can touch if we were to lean out the window to the east of us. Their parking spaces are in front of the complex and directly behind it along with a couple just strewn behind our spaces. They couldn't be more pointed out, even if you were to paint the lines in glowing neon colors. So I would like to punch the car of the person that decided to park diagonally, (seriously!? you couldn't be bothered to park parallel to the other cars next to you) IN MY PARKING SPOT!!! This car has been there for almost two weeks hasn't moved. Really, not one inch has it budged. That is my parking spot buddy, GET OUT OF IT!. Or I really am going to punch your car...or something to that effect.
So, in honor of the title of this post I'll share a video that my roommates and I thoroughly enjoy to the point of playing the same part over and over. (excuse me? don't judge us just because we're easily entertained).

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Seeing must be believing

I strongly dislike purposefully ignorant people. Especially when I know that I am in the right...and they refuse to see around them beyond the shadows. We as people wear blinders, and we choose when to put them on and when to take them off and just trust. I admit that sometimes I am at fault when it comes to taking my blinders off, we all are...who can argue that? But what I don't understand is when your career and education, everything you've been taught says that sometimes what you see isn't always what you get, and yet you refuse to believe that what you might not be seeing is in fact...actually happening. We are told to believe in things we can't see starting when we're toddlers; Santa, God, Love. And we do. We believe without hesitation. But when it comes down to something that is staring you right in the face, we pull those blinders back on, refusing to accept what we cannot see or may not personally be witnessing. So instead of accepting the facts set before us we try to rationalize. We try to force an answer that we like, rather than what needs to be. It is our way, because it couldn't possibly be another. TAKE YOUR BLINDERS OFF!! Give people the benefit of the doubt, trust...and believe without seeing.

YES. I AM STILL SINGLE... thanks for noticing...

Dear Wedded Persons
We all know that you are "happier than you have ever been"... that you "Can't believe you are married to your BEST FRIEND!!!!" and that you may or may not be with child.... but the rest of us single people don't appreciate being reminded that yes.... we are still single. Pathetically single. We try to rationalize away our single-ness by exclaiming our need for a successful career, our inability to "lower our standards", or try to unrationally place the blame on the opposite gender... but really... we are still just as single. So none of us REALLY want to hear about your weddingful bliss. Or read about it on facebook (for those of us who have it). We also do NOT want to be your (permanent) third wheel... thank you very much. And although the Utah culture says that if you are 25 and not married, you are a menace and disgrace to society, it is actually considered NORMAL everywhere else. And just because certain people go to certain schools in a certain Provo city... that does NOT mean we have a boyfriend, nor are engaged, nor are married, or even looking/ being considered.
Something else, world, all of you beautiful people STOP GETTING MARRIED TO EACH OTHER!!! It is unfair to the rest of us. It is genetically impossible for you to have ugly offspring. So it would be much appreciated if at least one of you were hit with the ugly stick a few times.... just sayin.

Community blog

Alas, the first blog. For a while now, I have been wanting to do this-- it's like a less pathetic facebook. A COMMUNITY BLOG of sorts. Where my roommates and friends (or even from people I don't know!) will post or share their hilarious, awkward, and abnormal stories or experiences. There may also be a few rants and bitter outbursts. This may not be as entertaining to you reading this as it will be to those who participate but I figure it's worth a try. After all, you can't spread happiness without getting a little on yourself... or something like that. If you have a story to add, comment on a post and I will give you my email address. It can be anonymous or signed... either way, let's make this fun.